Marriage ....Love knot or Do not???

Ahan...been long since I wrote something. Just been busy attending to my marital duties...Yeah stop laughing I am a good wife...hehehehe!!! Ask my husband if you don't believe.

Well getting back to the topic in question. I thought about this cause my dear friend Gordon has decided to tie the KNOT. Congratulations to him and his better half.

He got me thinking, yet again (cause he comes up with crazy q's that make my head buzz), about how big a deal Marriage actually is. As all girls do, I always knew who I wanted to marry, how the guy should be, how many kids I want to have, what their names would be. But I never thought of what happens after. Just cause my parents had the "perfect love" I almost assumed that I would at the very least copy their life and all would be fine. It didn't all happen as to plan but I had plans to make it happen how I wished it to be.

I made a deal with my husband when I got married. Friends first and say it as you feel. It has helped... but didn't make things perfect. We share our thoughts, we are open about our feelings and try not to hide stuff. It has got us through a lot in life and equally got us INTO a lot of mess as well. Need I say more. Then again, I feel that was the best way to go about it, at least in my case.

Looking back, would I approach it differently????HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm!! Can't say!! I like things to be organised and controlled. But just like my Libran characteristics, I always knew that my life would be one giant see-saw. How can one control emotions and relations? You can't. It's any ever evolving phenomena. Can we be best prepared for it? Not in total proximity, but to an extent. I would have loved to have every thing work to plan. An agreement, with all do's and don't's, signed, underlined and dated. But that just doesn't happen.

No matter how well we think we know the other person, they will still surprise us with their reactions. You may have agreed to a specific rescue program written for times of distress. When it's time to react in the expected manner, for some reason all sanity flies out of the window. We behave like immature human beings or can I be rude and go to the extreme of saying like animals. Cause we just stop processing the data in a human manner.All we can see is how to hurt the other person or get your point across effectively with least damage.

Hence if we are going to behave in a completely different manner then what's the use of all the preparations? Is there a point in making those promises that we which know under pressure we will break? OR do we foolishly want to believe that we will have a fairy tale life? I think we all secretly even pray for that to happen. Truly speaking the probability ratio of that happening is very low. Now I don't want to sound pessimistic about the whole marriage saga. It's still is a very special stage in life, only if we do not expect too much from it.

It is the most humbling experiences of life. Two personalities, similar or not, come together. Two EGO's, dare I use that word, come under the same roof. Two completely different upbringings merge. It can't one simple journey. It has never been. Apart from nature there is nothing that happens in peaceful symphony. Then how can you expect two lifestyles to become one just by saying "I DO".

It takes a lot of compromise to get to a common way of living. Adjusting in the same routine. Knowing when to stop when the other starts. Drawing the line. Not losing your patience and not driving the other mad. When we are in the process of getting to the marriage stage, somehow we feel it all so important to make the other person comfortable and agree to things that will make them happy and smile. We lose the ability to think straight ( I call that love poisoning of the brain). We go into this silly state of being where all begins and ends with love. The promises are made, words given, crossing of the heart till death do us apart. And the dream is over, we either sitting in the same room complete ignorant of the other persons presence and carrying on with life, or we are sitting in the same room but across the table each with pen ready to sign our release papers.

So why do we find the need to tie that KNOT? Society? Completion of a relation? To give the relation a name? To get a pass for free sex? (oh shush don't tell me that's not one of the reasons) Or to want to feel how you can be strangled to deprivation leading to depression and death by an invisible knot?

Maybe it is all of the above. More than that is to tell the world that there is the one person in the world that is totally and completely simply yours and makes your life complete. We human beings have always looked to make things perfect. Hence what we lack we want to replace it by bringing in the form of the other half. That is why I think we call them our better half. We then nurture it with our love, sacrifices and compromises. And we feel to let the world know that we are now complete. And so we are ready to tie the Love Knot.

Here are some of the Do's and Don't's from experience you need for that.
1. Be honest. They only need to know what they need to know.
2. Say the truth, the whole truth and a bit of manipulated truth.
3. If you can't be their friend just don't pretend.
4. Keep it simple, if you've got a problem then your the only one who's got the solution.
5. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you don't like the pudding, question the chef. Don't sit there going ummmm yummy!!
6. Want to be fair then start by saying Sorry. Because sometimes it's just that silly word that the other wants to hear.
7. Appreciate what they do for you, cause I know I wouldn't do that for me.
8. Sit at the table, and spill it out. Don't sleep over an argument. Your view seems even more right than before putting the lights out.
9. Always remember that battles won by compromise are only but short lived ones. So believe in the reason and accept it.
10. Let them know how much you love them, it will recharge their batteries.

If you think all this is for you then go ahead and say it out loud "I DO" else for the love of your life and sanity of the rest DO NOT!!!

Peace....I will send you the just married card for sure...muahhhhhhhhhhhhh

P.S. Don't take me seriously it's only something I think. May all you lovely couples blossom in love and grow old still in love.