Marriage ....Love knot or Do not???

Ahan...been long since I wrote something. Just been busy attending to my marital duties...Yeah stop laughing I am a good wife...hehehehe!!! Ask my husband if you don't believe.

Well getting back to the topic in question. I thought about this cause my dear friend Gordon has decided to tie the KNOT. Congratulations to him and his better half.

He got me thinking, yet again (cause he comes up with crazy q's that make my head buzz), about how big a deal Marriage actually is. As all girls do, I always knew who I wanted to marry, how the guy should be, how many kids I want to have, what their names would be. But I never thought of what happens after. Just cause my parents had the "perfect love" I almost assumed that I would at the very least copy their life and all would be fine. It didn't all happen as to plan but I had plans to make it happen how I wished it to be.

I made a deal with my husband when I got married. Friends first and say it as you feel. It has helped... but didn't make things perfect. We share our thoughts, we are open about our feelings and try not to hide stuff. It has got us through a lot in life and equally got us INTO a lot of mess as well. Need I say more. Then again, I feel that was the best way to go about it, at least in my case.

Looking back, would I approach it differently????HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm!! Can't say!! I like things to be organised and controlled. But just like my Libran characteristics, I always knew that my life would be one giant see-saw. How can one control emotions and relations? You can't. It's any ever evolving phenomena. Can we be best prepared for it? Not in total proximity, but to an extent. I would have loved to have every thing work to plan. An agreement, with all do's and don't's, signed, underlined and dated. But that just doesn't happen.

No matter how well we think we know the other person, they will still surprise us with their reactions. You may have agreed to a specific rescue program written for times of distress. When it's time to react in the expected manner, for some reason all sanity flies out of the window. We behave like immature human beings or can I be rude and go to the extreme of saying like animals. Cause we just stop processing the data in a human manner.All we can see is how to hurt the other person or get your point across effectively with least damage.

Hence if we are going to behave in a completely different manner then what's the use of all the preparations? Is there a point in making those promises that we which know under pressure we will break? OR do we foolishly want to believe that we will have a fairy tale life? I think we all secretly even pray for that to happen. Truly speaking the probability ratio of that happening is very low. Now I don't want to sound pessimistic about the whole marriage saga. It's still is a very special stage in life, only if we do not expect too much from it.

It is the most humbling experiences of life. Two personalities, similar or not, come together. Two EGO's, dare I use that word, come under the same roof. Two completely different upbringings merge. It can't one simple journey. It has never been. Apart from nature there is nothing that happens in peaceful symphony. Then how can you expect two lifestyles to become one just by saying "I DO".

It takes a lot of compromise to get to a common way of living. Adjusting in the same routine. Knowing when to stop when the other starts. Drawing the line. Not losing your patience and not driving the other mad. When we are in the process of getting to the marriage stage, somehow we feel it all so important to make the other person comfortable and agree to things that will make them happy and smile. We lose the ability to think straight ( I call that love poisoning of the brain). We go into this silly state of being where all begins and ends with love. The promises are made, words given, crossing of the heart till death do us apart. And the dream is over, we either sitting in the same room complete ignorant of the other persons presence and carrying on with life, or we are sitting in the same room but across the table each with pen ready to sign our release papers.

So why do we find the need to tie that KNOT? Society? Completion of a relation? To give the relation a name? To get a pass for free sex? (oh shush don't tell me that's not one of the reasons) Or to want to feel how you can be strangled to deprivation leading to depression and death by an invisible knot?

Maybe it is all of the above. More than that is to tell the world that there is the one person in the world that is totally and completely simply yours and makes your life complete. We human beings have always looked to make things perfect. Hence what we lack we want to replace it by bringing in the form of the other half. That is why I think we call them our better half. We then nurture it with our love, sacrifices and compromises. And we feel to let the world know that we are now complete. And so we are ready to tie the Love Knot.

Here are some of the Do's and Don't's from experience you need for that.
1. Be honest. They only need to know what they need to know.
2. Say the truth, the whole truth and a bit of manipulated truth.
3. If you can't be their friend just don't pretend.
4. Keep it simple, if you've got a problem then your the only one who's got the solution.
5. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you don't like the pudding, question the chef. Don't sit there going ummmm yummy!!
6. Want to be fair then start by saying Sorry. Because sometimes it's just that silly word that the other wants to hear.
7. Appreciate what they do for you, cause I know I wouldn't do that for me.
8. Sit at the table, and spill it out. Don't sleep over an argument. Your view seems even more right than before putting the lights out.
9. Always remember that battles won by compromise are only but short lived ones. So believe in the reason and accept it.
10. Let them know how much you love them, it will recharge their batteries.

If you think all this is for you then go ahead and say it out loud "I DO" else for the love of your life and sanity of the rest DO NOT!!!

Peace....I will send you the just married card for sure...muahhhhhhhhhhhhh

P.S. Don't take me seriously it's only something I think. May all you lovely couples blossom in love and grow old still in love.

Thirst for Love!!

LOVE!!!! All the problems in life begin and end with it. We are made to give it importance even before we are born. It crosses our path in so many forms. Most of them we don't work to decode. But the one that we go crazy about is when we want to express it for our soul mates. Now is that the most supreme form of love? Or have we without reason placed it on a high pedestal above all the other forms such as love for family, for nature, for the Almighty, for friends, for animals, for x,y,z and co.?

I think we have and hence we deserve when what we get when we fail in our relationships. I may sound harsh but which sane person would be in love with the pain that a relation can cause. Pain and hurt are byproducts of being in love. It's like a buy one and I'll give the rest free package. How tempting? But we continue, and it goes on. Even whilst you reading this at least a hundred "I LOVE YOU"s were said per second. How lovely is that? A world filled with the beauty of love!! Awaken my child, the dawn has arrived!!

Huff, I sounded so not in love. Didn't I? I know stop nodding. Back to truth. It is is actually beautiful, even with it's byproducts. I can't say for definite what I like more, the being in love, being loved, loving the other person or the pain. I am beginning to think it must be the pain. And I say so cause the heart that doesn't ache hasn't come to life as yet. I think when there is the fear of losing someone, you know how important their presence is. When there is that sinking feeling in the tummy you are aware of emotions that can tear your gut if it were to continue. The heartaches make the most insane thing seem so valid. When there is a funny feeling that makes your heart go "dhooooooooom" (I call it love shocks) like you've just swallowed a drumbeat and it's ripple effect when you think about them, or they suddenly come close or say something that surprised you. That tear that will just not hold back and behind the water wall in your eyes is the volcano of emotions ready to erupt. Seriously if it wasn't for the restlessness, the waiting, the fights and the making up, the agony, the laughs, the sleepless nights and the breaking up, would it still be called the love stricken heart???? Jokes apart, the game gives pain but try and minimise it if you really love someone. Cause you never and I mean NEVER, EVER want to have the love go away. Baby when it's gone for never to return is when that pain has no cure. Keep them safe, keep love guarded, fight for it's survival and give it life cause when it leaves you, and I pray not ever, it takes with it meaning out of your existence. Not the smiles, not gifts not the hugs or kisses. It's when you've felt this pain you know your in love. I personally am so in love with that pain that I would do it all over again just to feel alive.

Now for those who beg to differ tell me 10 years later if I am wrong till then hold your peace. Just kidding. This is indeed because we have given it that high a status in our lives but who can argue, it sure makes you alive.I don't like perfect love stories, they feel unreal. I can't say I like the awful separations either. But I can say for certain, no life would be beautiful if it hadn't got at least one episode of love in it's making. We do silly things, we see life differently. Everything seems to have a purpose and a plan unfolding. Life would be a picture perfect story if only there could be never ending love. In reality it's not. When your special someone is not with you anymore you seem to believe that magic is gone. That heart lives a thousands deaths only to live them again. Hold on to it for as long as you can and maybe even for ever. If you can, and try it it's the most rewarding, give unconditional love. And by unconditional, I mean completely and utterly unconditionally, with no returns, no expectations, no gains, no complaints, pure simple unconditional love. If you were to learn to do that trust me you will be loved back million times more than you ever can. Cause that will show. You will have that glow in you which will simply make someone adore your. And if others can't see it just the feeling of experiencing the act of selfless expression that will make the commercial use of this emotion seem meaningless.

True love doesn't visit you annually like Father Christmas (some say he doesn't either), so when it does make sure it's there to stay. Life will go on if you let that special some slip out of reach but when you look back the hollowness in you will rip your being. Your soul mate can never be replaced and as a friend of mine put it, if you bear your soul to someone they take you as you are and will love you unconditionally. For any unfortunate reason you do have part ways, make sure you never let that respect for them die. If you love someone once you love them for ever. Maybe not same intensity but surely for ever. Else it was not true and you never loved them at all. I am not saying to hold on to them forever and never let go. All I am saying that give them the same respect as they got when the were with you. That'll be unconditional and who knows it may turn into another form for love that we don't give so much importance to like a strong friendship and then you can have a place for them always in your life. Rather than wiping out their existence cause don't kid yourself they did bring out the best in you once upon a time.

I believe in this more than anything when it comes to love....If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

Keep loving!!!!

P.S. For all the love fools including me, always remember that there is someone somewhere in this world and beyond who loves you unconditionally.

Blast from the past!!!

Do we really believe that once its past we are done with it? Amazingly I have found myself time and again saying that Past is the only Perfect. For more reasons than one as it would come to light, but for me that is one thing of the many that we can't change. And funny enough most things that we can't change are in the past. So if it unchangeable can we begin to accept that what happened then was the best thing for us?

"I wish I could go back in time and change things around." "I wish I could re live that moment." "I'd do anything to undo the past." "It was the best time of my life." "I wish I could erase it from my life." All so familiar sentences we've heard, but has anyone been able to do go back and change even a second of their life? No, and no surprises in that. But does that mean that was meant to be or is that what we made it to be.

That's where Free Will and Destiny come in to play. If we can never go back in time should we be more conscious of our choices in the Present. From choices of what food should be part of my diet to who should I be dating? Both have drastic impacts in our lives. Former decides if we live healthy or not or even at all and the latter decides if we do live then are we happy. But trust me when I say that, when you get the feeling that it's too late you've already gone beyond your chance to make amends. And when that Blast from the past hits you back, then all you can do is either embrace it or ignore it.

If it's happy times well and good, it will make you smile once again. On the other hand, if it caused you grief then, well now you’re in for more tears. Nonetheless some actions, memories, moments, relationships and emotions from the time gone say a different story every time they are revisited. Some even give us a different perspective on life and make us feel almost totally opposite but are they not the things we chose?

Nothing new and we may have heard this umpteen times. But it's still worth taking a moment and thinking again of the choices we make in the present and how we want our future to be. Cause once this second passes it's going to be in the reversible PAST!