Emotions and more!!!

It's a Demons World!!

2011-07-21T06:21:00.000-07:00

Hey,

"What's behind that door?", I ask,
"Why you walk around with that mask?"
He turns to say,
"One hides my demons, other hides my face,
Locked up are my secrets,in my guarded space".

"Why lock them and not set them free?
They would only rot or grow forever like an oak tree".

"I don't know how", he in dismay replied,
"They hold me back, my hands are tied.
You ask me now, you ask me why,
You want to help, is all a lie,
You think I haven't given a million tries?
It's a demons world, a hell of cries.
Tugged and pulled, ripped and played, my soul stretched in so many ways.
Close those cupboards shut those doors, hide my skeletons away they go".

Don't we all have them? Crazy blood sucking demons haunting us?

Well, we may not all call them that, but they exist. If there is someone I know who has nothing to hide I would urge you to leave your comment at the end of the blog. And for others, all I can say is 'JOIN THE CLUB'.

You know these skeletons or demons that we may address them as, why do you think we have them? Now the Almighty knows about them, you know about them (obviously) and if anyone else was a part of it is aware. Then why is not like any other incident in your life that happened and that can simply fade away with time?

You know what happened, you know how awful it makes you feel, then why do we hide them or hold on to them? There are so many instances in your life that you don't even remember as though they never happened. Yet you choose to remember the one that scares you, makes you weak and vulnerable, makes your gut perform a 360, instils fear, anxiety and defeat in your heart and mind. But you still hold on to it!!! Strange!!!

It's not a good feeling is it? Even when you are reading this page, a part of your brain has already revisited the ruins. You want to stop for a moment, stare away in the void, and revisit that place in your memory that can bring that feeling back. And while your doing that your breathing is heavier, you don't notice the difference, but watch you tummy, its movements are stronger, as though you are taking deep breathes and filling up your lungs, to pace out your heart beat. And finally a gulp, swallow down your throat, a shake of your head and back to the blog.

Funny! Even though I am questioning the very idea of holding back to those memories, its only taking you back there. What's behind those closed doors? What are you hiding?

Is it a nasty world of yours that you don't want anyone to know?
Is it the wounds on your mind and heart you don't want to show?
Did you leave something behind in the past?
Is it the memory that makes you feel alive at last?

You know, whatever it is, it's not good for you. Maybe you smile for few moments when your in that place. But its still dark and dingy. Sometimes, its the best place to be. Sometimes, you feel that if you let go you maybe be lose it for ever. And then the guilt creeps in. Other times, it makes you want to push yourself ahead in life. It could easily bring out the evil in you, or make you a saint on a pedestal. These are skeletons and there is a reason why they should be buried in the grave. The minute they are not there its not a natural place to be. So why let those demons make you weak?

Do whatever, but don't make it your source of strength.
Don't make it your place of retreat.
Don't let those demons be your motivation nor your fuel for speed.
It's hard enough to have gone through it once, don't become your own weed.
It's easy to say, but that's where I mostly stay,
Don't let those skeletons keep your happiness at bay.

Come back to me and we'll talk instead,
But what if I'm your Demon, and just messing with your head?????????????????????????

HE HE HA HA HA (EVIL LAUGHTER) ;)

ONE SIDED COIN ££££££££

2010-08-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

Busy people, busy lives,
All running to to make their earnings,
Working hard to make relations strive,
Ever stopped and asked, Is is worth a Dime?

Have you ever felt like the ONE-SIDED COIN????

Just like in a coin, how the denomination value is engraved on one side and the other has heads of people and pictures of places. In the same way, sometimes in relationships there is one individual who is always adding the value to the relation. When one picks a coin, they look at the side which has the value embossed, and not the one with prints, even though the other side may have it spelt out in words it still is not the side that depicts the value at the immediate instance.

As is the case of some relationships. Sometimes there are relationships like great ventures, motivated investors, hard working stakeholders and happy shareholders. And on the other side, there are Sole traders (lol)....even though it is a partnership, one works hard and the other reaps results. One of you is struggling to keep the spark alive, whilst the other goes out and burns the fuse. Even though the value is clearly spelt out on the one side of the coin....does that side realise it's not just about pretty pictures to paint in life? It's hard work to make things work. Both sides are inseparable and still have different images....still want to portray different views, failing to realise that their value is complete as a whole, ONLY when they come together.

So we start to think and wonder!!! Is it their fault, that they do not realise that you are doing everything to make them happy and all they need to do is sit and relax? Is it their fault, that they never thought that they were not doing their bit in this success? Is it their fault, that they couldn't see that their end of the scale is not balancing the weight of this bond? Is their fault, that you never told them that this ship is sailing cause you are navigating it in storms and holding anchor when it begins to drift from shore? Is it their fault, that they strongly believe that they are doing their fair share and all is going to plan? Or is it their fault, that you can simply not tell them that it's not what you are all about? And then you blame them???? If we can't tell them how we feel, why is it fair to blame them for making us feel this way? And even if we have tried we have definitely not succeeded cause we still continue to feel this way. I think to a certain extent the fault lies in our hands....don't be upset I am on your side but you both are partners in crime. She started but you never stopped....there were issues he picked... you never dropped.

I personally think, that we somehow drift into that category of the one-man battle ship. We don't start off but eventually land up there for no fault of any. In no particular order or priority I believe life gives us a run of the below stated sometime or the other; the CUATROLOGY revealed:

UNO : We are just not cut from the same cloth!!
We maybe close matches, perfect matches, soul mates but we are still different people. Understandable that we have different personalities and mentalities, but somehow one becomes damaging to the sweet harmony. When it started both were signing from the same hymn sheet,
and the same note...and slowly one drifted in to an Alto and other a Sopranao...lol...no matter how much we try we cannot be the same people...we can be split images but we still remain to be split.

DOS : Opposites attract!!
We knew from the start that he/she is definitely different but you feel the urge to try something new. You want that spice, you want that different flavour other than your own palate, you enjoy the taste, you have the hunger and thirst to try out the heat,and then......you get acidity or indigestion....lol. Who asked you to be brave and to order that dish, when you knew in your guts you couldn't stomach it? Now pay the bill!!! They are simply opposites, they cannot feel and understand your way and that's what made you go for them. Who is to blame...?????

TRES : Against the grain!!!
If doing something goes against the grain, you're unwilling to do it because it contradicts what you believe in, but you have no real choice. You chose to be with them. You've made that decision, now you stick with it. And you become the DIY guy/gal in this build. Your not someone that can break a brick and destroy the house. You're someone who will dig deep to lay the foundations right. If the house moves you will get it underpinned so it's steady again. But your not someone to run a bulldozer over the building. You will do everything to make it a home, just like the House Doctor (a show I watch regularly)...wherein Anne Maurice comes to your house that's not selling or not working for you....immediately sights the faults and with bit of elbow grease and tlc makes it habitable or sellable.

CUATRO: Love fool!!
You were the foolish born to make someone happy. You were made in such a way, or you made yourself into it, that you will love boundlessly and get but a speck in return. You will do and die for him/her only to know that not even a tear was shed on your dead body. For you ,they are worth the world, for them you are a world not worth. They enjoy you, they care, but they are not those to show or take the risk. You yearn for their companionship and have to settle for scraps. You want to show them your unconditional love and make them see that life would easy just with a dose of your love. But they just don't want to let that happen. They are stuck on the idea that it's bad science to mix love and life...but love makes life the beauty it is. Only if they could drop their guard and see that you want to be their secret angel and take their sorrows away. NO.... it won't just get through their thick skull. They know it all to well....and as I always say, it will be their loss when doors to this love ATM are closed.

So what do we do? Tell them...simple isn't it?

Doesn't work so simply and I always wonder why. But then I comfort myself with above stated CUATROLOGY (lol) and keep my patience. I have learnt over the years that somethings are not meant to change....to be unearthed. Some people are structured to be the beneficiary and other for life and after, the benefactor. Always going on to add value to a stagnant preposition... pushing for response, waiting for chance..chance to make the other side of the coin see the value on his.

You are the value to this relation and without you it would only be a piece of metal with fancy prints...so don't stop now...cause one day it will merge...one day realisation will surge and life never be the story of just another one-sided coin!!!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder = Distance makes heart and head ponder!!

2010-05-07T15:09:00.000-07:00

Now I did always believe that the regardless of what happens, if you really have a strong bond with someone nothing can deter it. But over the years that I have been in UK, I have experienced how slowly but surely the bond begins to lose its stronghold and in some cases it becomes just a mere memory.

I’ve left friends behind in India and relationships that I could vouch would stand all tests of time and age. Interestingly, all but a few handfuls are still intact. Others have faded so far that I sometimes doubt they ever existed. STRANGE, BUT TRUE!!! HMMMMM..........!!

What caused it??? Busy lifestyle, commitments, choices, bad decisions, silly mistakes, unwanted dramas, misunderstanding, or the lot???? But doesn’t the saying go, DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER????
Well looks like it definitely does, but just until we find something and someone else instead. It is only a matter of time before we find a replacement for all our emotions. In the form of a new relation, old fire, new hobby or a brand new desire. Then why in that present, this future seems highly unlikely???

You know what it doesn’t even have to be continents or oceans to do the damage...it’s simple as...Out of sight, Out of mind, stashed away some day in hope to find!!

Take for example my Stratford Dream Team...I cried when I had to let go and today hardly but a few exchanges have happened since. And mostly it’s been the senti-less-mental-more me, who has initiated those exchanges. Now, Stratford is just a Central line and a few delays away, even still it has been so difficult to keep the same bond going. I look at my new team and tell them every single day that, how much the Stratford team meant to me and how much I miss them, how I can’t find it in my heart to really replace them or feel nothing like it...But how many of them are still in contact??? I miss them...and really miss them...but that’s all it’s boiled down to be. Just like all my friends left behind this fraction of my emotion which is now labelled as ‘’MISSING THE LOVED ONES’’.

I have a friend who promised me that no matter what, he would never stop talking to me and never stop bugging me with his annoying TALKTALK routine...but he got engaged a couple a months ago and we’ve only spoken twice since....once to find out if the new leash was fitting fine ( his fiancé) and the other for some web designing work I needed help on (which was supposed to be followed the next day and never happened..no surprises there!!). And this is one of those friendships that could never lose their charm and intensity...but it happened.

I was apparently someone’s oxygen supply once upon a crazy time ago, he got married and I only found out on FB status update...lol ....really beyond me that I didn't even know about and we had now connection left.

My best friend in India, is my soul secret keeper....and we donn't speak much except only on birthdays...i.e., twice a year – once on her bday once on mine.....that too if we are not busy....and sometimes a FB msg, a fwd email or just a KNOCK KNOCK!!YOU ALIVE ??? MAIL!!!

Not saying the relationship is over or bond lost....but Distance does make the heart and head ponder!!

Why can’t we just be able to have relationships with expiry dates? That way we can check the lid, know the use by date printed, and put a lid over it for good. We just can’t do that, and we promise never to forget and cross our hearts in hope to die....all but just a white lie. You and I both know by experience that we simply don’t have the time to juggle so many relations....But we are quick to pick on Gordon Brown’s interpersonal skills!! (VOTE LABOUR...JAI HO!!)

See...we can’t maintain it then why waste all our energy and efforts for it. I am that silly stupid gal who would hold you to your word if you said ‘I Miss You’ ‘I Care for You’ ‘You Are Special to Me’ blah blah....And I would work a lifetime to keep close ties. Only to realise that there is only one way traffic, just breaks my heart.

On the other hand, it seems that this mechanism could be put to use when we really want some space from unwanted stress elements..Ahem ahem!! Seriously, I believed that it would bring hearts closer and crap but it only opens our hearts and minds to other opportunities. We get so tangled up in our small worlds that we cannot see beyond our fence. But if for some reason we had to or decided to make the space between us...we would see attractions and distractions in the void. Now it is good for those who need a breather now and again, but a scary tool at hand. Cause it is accompanied with side effects of making our minds take a complete u-turn as well. Complicated...I know...let me explain.

If you and your partner/friend were stressed out and you thought it was a good idea that you spend time apart so you can learn to respect each other’s priorities and space....it could work and you would realise how the other completes your routine and makes you circle complete. Alternatively, that space is sufficient to make you realise that you don’t want to go back to the old routine and complete your circle, maybe you want a semi-circle now...lol!! JOKES APART....Dangerous idea..Do Not Try It At Home!!!

I would just like to say that, don’t create that distance unless necessary. Because you never know what doors you shut on your way out, some consciously other not. Some we can walk straight back into, some we can get through by constant knocking, some we might need to bang on, and some will be shut forever.

I am not worried about the others but the last one, as its painstaking when you can’t be close to the ones you once shared some great moments, laughs and tears. Distance then just becomes that big barrier that you can’t cross and leaves my heart and mind forever ponder!!

Why don't Emotions come with a DELETE button?

2010-01-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't it be easy if we just had the DELETE button for our emotions?

We have pain killers to kill the pain in our body. But they are prescribed only once we know we have the pain. Antibiotics to clear the existing infections and make our system stronger. But they are also prescribed after we are aware of being infected, sometimes earlier. Vaccines are the only things that are given before we even have a potential problem. So maybe we should have an EMOTIONAL VACCINE (EV) induced at the time of birth!!!! I am an inventor!!!! I should be rich!!!! Sorry ain't happening sister!!!

Looks like we only react when something happens.'Prevention is better than cure'. But we don't necessarily have the gear ready to deal with emotional attacks. We should be grateful that we are getting somewhere in our medical and scientific fields unlike emotional, else it would be a disaster. So why has no one thought about EV??? I wonder....don't you??

It seems as though we have a default system of non-tolerance towards rejection. I think GOD, forgive me if I may even dare to say so, faces the the same dilema. He just can't accept failure and discard anything. Look around you. How many millions of different creatures he has created. We don't even know half of them. How many faces, animals, plants, stars, planets, etc. etc., has he created. He can't deal with it being enough. It didn't turn out the way I wanted....let me add a little bit colour in it...Maybe I should stretch his chin a bit...ooh I could give him an extra toe...Nah let ME use that FORD guys idea and make all these models in black.....Let Me make the mountains in a triangle...oh I'm bored different types of triangles...earth in a circle....and moon...I'm really not sure so till I decide let it keep changing shapes...........we get the point dude.

So we've got it from the very start. Cannot just simple say NO...NADA...NAHI...STOP...DELETE... till it becomes absolutely fatal and sometimes even not after that.. Why can't we just press the DELETE button on our emotions? Our default system is so messed up that even though we created the DELETE option we are still not confident of using it.

WARNING!! YOU ARE ABOUT TO DELETE SELECTED ITEMS!! YES CONTINUE!!! ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULD LIKE TO DELETE THESE ITEMS!! YES CONTINUE!!! OH DAMN THESE ITEMS HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! SHALL WE CREATE THE RECYCLE BIN/ DELETED ITEMS FOLDER JUST IN CASE!! YES CONTINUE!! WOULD YOU LIKE TO EMPTY THE DELETED ITEMS FOLDER? IF I DIDN'T THEN WHY DID I DELETE THOSE ITEMS? WELL WE THOUGHT MAYBE...MAYBE WHAT....YES DELETE/EMPTY....WARNING!!!SELECTED ITEMS WILL BE PERMANENTLY DELETED FROM THIS FOLDER!!! FOR DUCK SAKE DELETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

YOUR FOLDER IS NOW EMPTY!!!!!LOL...I had fun writing that bit...hhehhehehe!!

OK seriously, why is it so hard to just let go? Let go of a desire, a dream, a thought, a fragrance, a card, a pen, a toothbrush, a wrapping paper, a carrier bag, a mini statement, an ice cream bowl till the last lick, a glass of water till the last drop, a nandos till the last chip, a person till the last breathe and after, an emotion for ever and ever!!

You know it's not going to be yours. You know it is gone. You know it's never coming back. But you still hold on.

It hurts but you go ahead.You want it but can't have it. You have it but don't want it. You let it go, now want it back. You swore and crossed your heart. You lost it when you owned it and seek when it were lost. You played with it until it broke, then tried to mend it and make it work. Why can't our heart just be under lock? Why can't emotions be out of stock?

Almost everything can or potentially be dissected, constructed and reinvented. Are emotions the only thing that came without a manual? It's amazing that in an ever evolving inquisitive community, we have not found the urge to resolve this core issue of unexplained emotions which are directly proportional to our desire for everything in life. I guess a few would have tried but the realised that there is actually nothing much we can do about it, so let's just make anti-depressants, rehab clinics and kamasutra...hehehe

Isn't it ironic, that the one thing that rules our lives is the one thing that can destroy it. I wish I had DA VINCI CODE for our hearts and minds. I would protect it like the Holy Grail..No kidding.. All we know is all that we need to know about emotions. And still we have no clue about them. If we know love hurts then why are we stupid enough to fall in love? If we know that a break up causes heart ache then why do we fall apart? We know we are not suppose to eat GU (Hindi for poo) for dessert and we don't. We don't follow the rules of the heart in the same way... do we? Even though it is historically proven to be painful if not followed as per instructions.(though I really love the chocolate mousse and pudding by notoriously famous GU')

He doesn't love you...how many more hurtful ways can he translate it to you. She couldn't care less for you than her penny change she left at the 99p shop. But we still care for them, still love them, can't do without them.

Why do emotions play on shuffle and repeat, why can't they simply be on auto-delete?
Couldn't they just be for use and throw, enlighten me oh mind on emotions and more!!

"THE ONE" - A MYTH OR REALITY??

2009-12-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

Hello again!!! I know I've taken a long break, but didn't get a chance to put my thoughts into words!!! Without any further delay I present to you the latest freshly cooked up food for thought..............THE ONE"

Straight to the point. Hands up who believe that there is A special someONE made for us in this world. Good!!! I had my hands up, just in case you were wondering. Now hands up for all those who have found their special one....My hand was up again just in case you were wondering...(specially my discussion forum members). I may have not had my hands up a few years ago but now I think this is for real this time.

The reason I say this is because, I think I was living in fantasy land up to now. I had my love life influenced by books, movies, stories, other peoples lives. I never took a step back to think, that maybe believing there being a special one is just a myth. And in doing so I may have let some special people pass by or even almost lost what I had.

From the time we begin to understand anything about relationships or love, we are fed with this non-stop idea of there being a certain someone somwhere. Who we shall meet one day and live happily ever after. From that very moment our search begins for THE PERFECT ONE. We start to build a wish list of the characteristics of how the special one should be and how he/she should make us feel. Has anyone till date said, I want to be in love with a rapist? Or, I want a prostitute to be my bride? Not that they are not human beings or don't understand love. But how come we do not desire them. Moral values, I understand. But what guarantee is there that our special one may not turn into one of them later on. God forbid, but the likely hood of that happening is exactly the same as you finding your perfect match....yeahhhhh i know you all are going say - no way how can she say that. Well if that's not true, then why was your hand not up when I asked if you've found your special one?

Now.... I like this silence..cause you and I are both thinking. My point is that, we will always want the best qualities in our other half. But who made those ground rules? My problem is not that we wait for the specific one. My problem is that we do not give anyone a chance to become the special someone.We are so influenced by the idea of someone special being out there for us that fits the bill, that we forget to look at the wonderful people around us.

Even God says He has made you in pairs, but HE did not tell you to host a talent show to get to them. This is my understanding of it all- He has definitely made someone special for us. But whether we get to live with them for a lifetime is left to choices we make. Just like He has a future written for us no matter what route we take or what choice we make.

We may have already passed by them in our lives and didn't make the choice to know them or love them. We may be with them right now, but not be content enough to accept them as the ultimate ones. We may be about to meet them, but our standards are too high to even consider them to be the right one.

Does it always have to be our way? Hell yeah!!! My way or the high way!! But is it always your way? Well no!! Not always!!

So what is it then, a myth or reality??? Take a moment and think of all the people you've had crushes on, have been infatuated by, in love with, in relationships with, and so on. Now make the same silly mistake of drawing up the checklist of you perfect match. Seriously try it out. I may take some of your time but trust me, it might just ease the heartache we put ourselves through every so often......Now that you've made your wish list, mark these people as potential candidates just as one would when looking for the X-FACTOR. Come up with some kind of scoring system and rank them.

How many of them qualified on all your criterion? If they did, are you with them? If yes, I am happy you made the right choice!! If not, then why does no one have all the qualities you need? Was it that your list was unrealistic? Could someone from that those names have had a chance to work on things they didn't score well on? Or has the problem always been you and your high standards?

Take a good look at the list and if you think that there is a name there that strikes out the most, go knock on their heart and find out if they thought if you were their special one. If they've already found their better half walk away right that moment or you will ruin their lives. But if they haven't then try and see if it will be worth the second chance. If you do not wish to go after the name in your list, it is perfectly fine. But next time you judge someone remember they are judging you too. If you are already with someone but then they do not score a 100% then ask yourself whether that works for you. Because when you answer 'yes' you will almost instantly stop comparing them and stop that constant measurement of their affection and love for you.

And please tear that list and put in the bin. Because your life is not a reality show. It is reality!! We are talking about people and not materialistic things. We can shop for the best product but we cannot shop around for the perfect match.

I am not telling you to give everyone a chance to mess around in your life and then move on. I am only suggesting that we stop living in the romantic fool's paradise and accept what we have with all joy. If someone makes you happy but has something that you do not approve of, then talk to them and see if it can be altered and make things easier for both of you. If it can't then decide what is more important, your happiness or your 100% approval of someone or mix of both. I am sure if someone truly loves you then they will do anything to make things work and so will you.

Please for the love of yourselves, don't torture yourselves into living a life of burden. If you can't deal with it then so be it, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe you were on the wrong train. Get off on the earliest stop and change route. If you want to carry on the journey then make sure you are packed up till your final destination.

Whatever you do, remember this in mind.....maybe the one you are with may not be your perfect one. But there is an equal chance, that for them you are "THE ONE".

Good luck and I hope we all make perfect matches!!!

To Err is Human, to Forgive is Divine....I don't want to be God...behave and I will be Fine!!!

2009-09-10T14:49:00.000-07:00

How many times can we forgive? How patient can one be?

I know God is All-forgiving and merciful, but pleasesssssss that is His full time job. He alone can do it. Why should this be an attribute of us humans? Haven't we got enough to deal with?

They keep annoying you, hurting you and you keep forgiving them. Why???????????????//

IT'S NOT FAIR

I am not angry on any one so don't start asking me...what happened? or who did what? It's just a thought...as usual. I don't simply like that fact that no matter how many times you are ready to forgive, they do not appreciate it. Yes, I am talking about all those lovely people in our lives who we care for beyond boundaries. And they are the same annoying people who simple don't see anything wrong in their behaviour. Like they are waiting for angel Gabriel to come down in person and say, "My child, thee wrongfully live in falsehood and cause thee pain to those loved ones" something on those lines (don't try correct me, trust me I DINNA CARE)

The point is, they know you are not liking what he/she is doing but for some reason they get a crazy idea in their head that it must be right cause we are suffering. How come? Did I say that I am enjoying the way you are behaving. More baby more!!! (ahummm not that) Did I without my knowledge indicate to you, that it gives me immense pleasure when you argue with me, or stop listening when you are suppose to pay maximum attention. The best one - just shut up...I mean when you are suppose to talk you keep shut..like we have a degree in sign language or are bloody Darren in disguise and secretly know what you thinking. NO NO NO.

We are just humans same like you. If you are one of those annoying people reading this then understand, we belong to the same race. And if you know someone who annoys you without reason (I am sure we all know at least one of them and you all know who I am referring to)then get them to read this message. WE ARE ONLY HUMAN BEINGS LIKE YOU LEAVE US TO LIVE IN PEACE!

I thought we decide on spending our time, our future, our lives with someone that knows and understands us better than anyone else. Then how come it is the same people who completely contradict our beliefs? You meet them, get to know them, they get to know us, we come to a common understanding, we know our boundaries, we know each other's likes dislikes, and agree to give each other space, comfort in pain, and support in every decision we take. Then when the blooming duck did they T&C's of the contract change?

I made a conscientious agreement to this relation and promised to living happily ever after (t&c apply please look for large prints in detail). Then when did I become just a sleeping partner (in business terms only... you naughty little creeps) and you got over riding stake in OUR little private ltd? I clearly said I don't entertain childish behaviour and you went crazy, shopping for things already in your wardrobe. WE agreed spending quality time and you make me wait half hour outside the cinema (wasting chunk of my quality time I could have spent with my very important self..then you call me selfish). WE agreed that no more arguing then why do you have to start talking about how I waste money and have no saving? (dats my fav lol). WE agreed that we wash the whites separate and darks separate, then why do you have to watch what katie done to peter when I am watching SKY SPORTS NEWS? WE agreed that we will be the first to apologise when there is squabble, then how come Jane knows about it before I heard the SORRY come outta your lips? Don't leave the dirty clothes on the floor put in the basket, no you will make a designer carpet feature out of them. Don't give me silent treatment, no better you walk away by yourself. Don't forget to pay the bill, oh something important came, you had go play footie with your boys.

A:Talk to me B:I am listening hun(cont to check bank statement)-pause- A:repeat what I just said B:REPEATS EXACTLY A:I knew were never listening B: I can never win.

DON'T ANNOY ME, OH YES I WILL!!!

Focus on the WE's and Don'ts ladies and gents in the above para..do they stand for nothing. Then you say I don't have feelings, I can't understand, Women are from Venus, and Men are from Amsterdam??? I am ready to forget and start all over again, but I WARN you now, do it once again and I will compose your obituary with my Parker pen.

BLESS ALL YOU CRAZY CREATURES! MAY YOU SUFFER ON SELF MADE HELL! (Devil laughter --he he ha ha ha)

Marriage ....Love knot or Do not???

2009-07-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

Ahan...been long since I wrote something. Just been busy attending to my marital duties...Yeah stop laughing I am a good wife...hehehehe!!! Ask my husband if you don't believe.

Well getting back to the topic in question. I thought about this cause my dear friend Gordon has decided to tie the KNOT. Congratulations to him and his better half.

He got me thinking, yet again (cause he comes up with crazy q's that make my head buzz), about how big a deal Marriage actually is. As all girls do, I always knew who I wanted to marry, how the guy should be, how many kids I want to have, what their names would be. But I never thought of what happens after. Just cause my parents had the "perfect love" I almost assumed that I would at the very least copy their life and all would be fine. It didn't all happen as to plan but I had plans to make it happen how I wished it to be.

I made a deal with my husband when I got married. Friends first and say it as you feel. It has helped... but didn't make things perfect. We share our thoughts, we are open about our feelings and try not to hide stuff. It has got us through a lot in life and equally got us INTO a lot of mess as well. Need I say more. Then again, I feel that was the best way to go about it, at least in my case.

Looking back, would I approach it differently????HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm!! Can't say!! I like things to be organised and controlled. But just like my Libran characteristics, I always knew that my life would be one giant see-saw. How can one control emotions and relations? You can't. It's any ever evolving phenomena. Can we be best prepared for it? Not in total proximity, but to an extent. I would have loved to have every thing work to plan. An agreement, with all do's and don't's, signed, underlined and dated. But that just doesn't happen.

No matter how well we think we know the other person, they will still surprise us with their reactions. You may have agreed to a specific rescue program written for times of distress. When it's time to react in the expected manner, for some reason all sanity flies out of the window. We behave like immature human beings or can I be rude and go to the extreme of saying like animals. Cause we just stop processing the data in a human manner.All we can see is how to hurt the other person or get your point across effectively with least damage.

Hence if we are going to behave in a completely different manner then what's the use of all the preparations? Is there a point in making those promises that we which know under pressure we will break? OR do we foolishly want to believe that we will have a fairy tale life? I think we all secretly even pray for that to happen. Truly speaking the probability ratio of that happening is very low. Now I don't want to sound pessimistic about the whole marriage saga. It's still is a very special stage in life, only if we do not expect too much from it.

It is the most humbling experiences of life. Two personalities, similar or not, come together. Two EGO's, dare I use that word, come under the same roof. Two completely different upbringings merge. It can't one simple journey. It has never been. Apart from nature there is nothing that happens in peaceful symphony. Then how can you expect two lifestyles to become one just by saying "I DO".

It takes a lot of compromise to get to a common way of living. Adjusting in the same routine. Knowing when to stop when the other starts. Drawing the line. Not losing your patience and not driving the other mad. When we are in the process of getting to the marriage stage, somehow we feel it all so important to make the other person comfortable and agree to things that will make them happy and smile. We lose the ability to think straight ( I call that love poisoning of the brain). We go into this silly state of being where all begins and ends with love. The promises are made, words given, crossing of the heart till death do us apart. And the dream is over, we either sitting in the same room complete ignorant of the other persons presence and carrying on with life, or we are sitting in the same room but across the table each with pen ready to sign our release papers.

So why do we find the need to tie that KNOT? Society? Completion of a relation? To give the relation a name? To get a pass for free sex? (oh shush don't tell me that's not one of the reasons) Or to want to feel how you can be strangled to deprivation leading to depression and death by an invisible knot?

Maybe it is all of the above. More than that is to tell the world that there is the one person in the world that is totally and completely simply yours and makes your life complete. We human beings have always looked to make things perfect. Hence what we lack we want to replace it by bringing in the form of the other half. That is why I think we call them our better half. We then nurture it with our love, sacrifices and compromises. And we feel to let the world know that we are now complete. And so we are ready to tie the Love Knot.

Here are some of the Do's and Don't's from experience you need for that.
1. Be honest. They only need to know what they need to know.
2. Say the truth, the whole truth and a bit of manipulated truth.
3. If you can't be their friend just don't pretend.
4. Keep it simple, if you've got a problem then your the only one who's got the solution.
5. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you don't like the pudding, question the chef. Don't sit there going ummmm yummy!!
6. Want to be fair then start by saying Sorry. Because sometimes it's just that silly word that the other wants to hear.
7. Appreciate what they do for you, cause I know I wouldn't do that for me.
8. Sit at the table, and spill it out. Don't sleep over an argument. Your view seems even more right than before putting the lights out.
9. Always remember that battles won by compromise are only but short lived ones. So believe in the reason and accept it.
10. Let them know how much you love them, it will recharge their batteries.

If you think all this is for you then go ahead and say it out loud "I DO" else for the love of your life and sanity of the rest DO NOT!!!

Peace....I will send you the just married card for sure...muahhhhhhhhhhhhh

P.S. Don't take me seriously it's only something I think. May all you lovely couples blossom in love and grow old still in love.

Thirst for Love!!

2009-07-14T16:04:00.000-07:00

LOVE!!!! All the problems in life begin and end with it. We are made to give it importance even before we are born. It crosses our path in so many forms. Most of them we don't work to decode. But the one that we go crazy about is when we want to express it for our soul mates. Now is that the most supreme form of love? Or have we without reason placed it on a high pedestal above all the other forms such as love for family, for nature, for the Almighty, for friends, for animals, for x,y,z and co.?

I think we have and hence we deserve when what we get when we fail in our relationships. I may sound harsh but which sane person would be in love with the pain that a relation can cause. Pain and hurt are byproducts of being in love. It's like a buy one and I'll give the rest free package. How tempting? But we continue, and it goes on. Even whilst you reading this at least a hundred "I LOVE YOU"s were said per second. How lovely is that? A world filled with the beauty of love!! Awaken my child, the dawn has arrived!!

Huff, I sounded so not in love. Didn't I? I know stop nodding. Back to truth. It is is actually beautiful, even with it's byproducts. I can't say for definite what I like more, the being in love, being loved, loving the other person or the pain. I am beginning to think it must be the pain. And I say so cause the heart that doesn't ache hasn't come to life as yet. I think when there is the fear of losing someone, you know how important their presence is. When there is that sinking feeling in the tummy you are aware of emotions that can tear your gut if it were to continue. The heartaches make the most insane thing seem so valid. When there is a funny feeling that makes your heart go "dhooooooooom" (I call it love shocks) like you've just swallowed a drumbeat and it's ripple effect when you think about them, or they suddenly come close or say something that surprised you. That tear that will just not hold back and behind the water wall in your eyes is the volcano of emotions ready to erupt. Seriously if it wasn't for the restlessness, the waiting, the fights and the making up, the agony, the laughs, the sleepless nights and the breaking up, would it still be called the love stricken heart???? Jokes apart, the game gives pain but try and minimise it if you really love someone. Cause you never and I mean NEVER, EVER want to have the love go away. Baby when it's gone for never to return is when that pain has no cure. Keep them safe, keep love guarded, fight for it's survival and give it life cause when it leaves you, and I pray not ever, it takes with it meaning out of your existence. Not the smiles, not gifts not the hugs or kisses. It's when you've felt this pain you know your in love. I personally am so in love with that pain that I would do it all over again just to feel alive.

Now for those who beg to differ tell me 10 years later if I am wrong till then hold your peace. Just kidding. This is indeed because we have given it that high a status in our lives but who can argue, it sure makes you alive.I don't like perfect love stories, they feel unreal. I can't say I like the awful separations either. But I can say for certain, no life would be beautiful if it hadn't got at least one episode of love in it's making. We do silly things, we see life differently. Everything seems to have a purpose and a plan unfolding. Life would be a picture perfect story if only there could be never ending love. In reality it's not. When your special someone is not with you anymore you seem to believe that magic is gone. That heart lives a thousands deaths only to live them again. Hold on to it for as long as you can and maybe even for ever. If you can, and try it it's the most rewarding, give unconditional love. And by unconditional, I mean completely and utterly unconditionally, with no returns, no expectations, no gains, no complaints, pure simple unconditional love. If you were to learn to do that trust me you will be loved back million times more than you ever can. Cause that will show. You will have that glow in you which will simply make someone adore your. And if others can't see it just the feeling of experiencing the act of selfless expression that will make the commercial use of this emotion seem meaningless.

True love doesn't visit you annually like Father Christmas (some say he doesn't either), so when it does make sure it's there to stay. Life will go on if you let that special some slip out of reach but when you look back the hollowness in you will rip your being. Your soul mate can never be replaced and as a friend of mine put it, if you bear your soul to someone they take you as you are and will love you unconditionally. For any unfortunate reason you do have part ways, make sure you never let that respect for them die. If you love someone once you love them for ever. Maybe not same intensity but surely for ever. Else it was not true and you never loved them at all. I am not saying to hold on to them forever and never let go. All I am saying that give them the same respect as they got when the were with you. That'll be unconditional and who knows it may turn into another form for love that we don't give so much importance to like a strong friendship and then you can have a place for them always in your life. Rather than wiping out their existence cause don't kid yourself they did bring out the best in you once upon a time.

I believe in this more than anything when it comes to love....If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

Keep loving!!!!

P.S. For all the love fools including me, always remember that there is someone somewhere in this world and beyond who loves you unconditionally.

Blast from the past!!!

2009-07-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

Do we really believe that once its past we are done with it? Amazingly I have found myself time and again saying that Past is the only Perfect. For more reasons than one as it would come to light, but for me that is one thing of the many that we can't change. And funny enough most things that we can't change are in the past. So if it unchangeable can we begin to accept that what happened then was the best thing for us?

"I wish I could go back in time and change things around." "I wish I could re live that moment." "I'd do anything to undo the past." "It was the best time of my life." "I wish I could erase it from my life." All so familiar sentences we've heard, but has anyone been able to do go back and change even a second of their life? No, and no surprises in that. But does that mean that was meant to be or is that what we made it to be.

That's where Free Will and Destiny come in to play. If we can never go back in time should we be more conscious of our choices in the Present. From choices of what food should be part of my diet to who should I be dating? Both have drastic impacts in our lives. Former decides if we live healthy or not or even at all and the latter decides if we do live then are we happy. But trust me when I say that, when you get the feeling that it's too late you've already gone beyond your chance to make amends. And when that Blast from the past hits you back, then all you can do is either embrace it or ignore it.

If it's happy times well and good, it will make you smile once again. On the other hand, if it caused you grief then, well now you’re in for more tears. Nonetheless some actions, memories, moments, relationships and emotions from the time gone say a different story every time they are revisited. Some even give us a different perspective on life and make us feel almost totally opposite but are they not the things we chose?

Nothing new and we may have heard this umpteen times. But it's still worth taking a moment and thinking again of the choices we make in the present and how we want our future to be. Cause once this second passes it's going to be in the reversible PAST!